It can be distressing to think about moving a loved one to a higher level of care. Guilt, fear, uncertainty and family pressure can all make the decision more difficult.
What many people don’t realize is that allowing others to take on the caregiver role can improve relationships. When you care for a loved one yourself, being their spouse, child or friend can fall by the wayside. But those relationships are important — for both you and your loved one.
If someone you know has been diagnosed with a life-limiting or progressive illness, planning ahead and putting supports in place early can help relieve stress, strengthen relationships and make the transition to a higher level of care smoother when the time comes. It also ensures that your loved one is part of the decision-making process.
Knowing When to Ask for Help
The level of care someone requires isn’t determined by their physical or behavioural issues. Someone with dementia, for example, may need constant supervision and prompting regardless of how pleasant and mobile they are. It can amount to 24-hour care for a spouse or family member and a quick road to burnout. That’s why it’s so important to ask for help sooner rather than later. If you wait until things are no longer manageable, you risk longer wait times and additional stress.
Ask yourself the following:
- Is caring for my loved one impacting my health?
- Do I lack consistent support from family or friends?
- Do I have difficulty sleeping or get sick more often than I used to?
- Have I given up activities or friendships I used to enjoy?
- Is caregiving affecting the relationship I have with my loved one?
If you answered yes to any of these, it’s time to think about your options. Here are a few steps to consider:
- Start putting supports in place early. This will allow your loved one to become comfortable with outside help and care. Ask Home Care to come in for a couple of hours each week to help with bathing or to provide companionship. You can build on these hours later once your loved one requires more care. If you don’t have a Home Care case manager, contact Continuing Care Access to be connected with one. Note: Case managers have high caseloads so don’t be afraid to reach out if they haven’t been in touch. Most importantly, be honest about the strain you are going through and the amount of help you need — no one knows this better than you.
- Explore a Day Program. Individuals benefit from a day program the most when they join early in their diagnosis. At this stage, a structured physical, cognitive and social program can help slow their decline. Waiting until the later stages of illness may mean they no longer meet the criteria for attendance. Having your loved one attend a day program can also provide you with a much-needed break from the demands of care. You can request a day program placement through an Alberta Health Services case manager.
- Do your research on supportive living or long-term care facilities so you are prepared when homecare hours are no longer enough and a move to a higher level of care is necessary. Make note of fees, accommodations, staffing numbers, recreation options and waitlist times. Ask to tour the facility. See this list of continuing care facilities in Alberta.
- Explore Alberta Aids to Daily Living to see what equipment, supplies and services may be covered.
- Ask for help from family and friends. Create a schedule and ask them to provide weekly support to allow you respite. Use this time to connect with friends, get active or engage in a hobby — a little self-care goes a long way.
Don’t wait until you’re experiencing burnout to start putting supports in place. Waitlists for care facilities can be long and, depending on your choice, you could wait a year or more for admittance.
Remember, you are just as deserving of care and a good quality of life. Knowing that you’re okay will help your loved one rest easy too.