In part one, we explored practical tips for parents mourning the loss of a child, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging grief, finding comfort in rituals, and seeking support. Now, in part two, we focus on the crucial role that friends and family can play in supporting bereaved parents. This section offers advice on how to provide empathetic, patient and understanding support during one of the most challenging times in a parent’s life.
Supporting Bereaved Parents
Being a friend or family member to someone who has lost a child can be an uncertain and bewildering experience. The grief and pain experienced by the parents can be overwhelming, and providing support to them requires a great deal of empathy, patience, and understanding. There are no easy answers, but being there for them through the ups and downs of their grief is crucial.
Listen Without Judgement
One of the best ways to offer your support is to listen — without judgment and without comment. Just listen. Grief isn’t something you can fix. Allowing the parents to express their feelings and being a witness to their grief provides comfort and lets them know they are not alone. Holding space is a profound and meaningful way to support a grieving parent.
Acknowledge Their Loss
Although knowing what to say or do can be difficult, do something. Stop by to visit, call, or send a card. If words fail, offer a comforting hug. Acknowledge the child’s life (use their name, share memories if appropriate) and the parent’s grief, but don’t try to fix it. Grieving parents don’t need advice; they need to know that you care about what they are going through.
Offer Practical Help
When you’re grieving, even the most routine tasks can feel overwhelming. Offer to help with things like cooking, cleaning, running errands, walking the dog, or taking care of other children. This allows the parents to grieve without feeling like they are neglecting other aspects of their lives.
Be Patient and Persistent
Grieving parents may withdraw from social interactions. While it’s important to respect their need for space, continue to check in and offer your support. Simple messages or calls, sending flowers or even a note in their mailbox can let them know you care and are thinking of them. And don’t shy away from acknowledging special days like birthdays and anniversaries.
Educate Yourself on Grief
Being supportive requires understanding. Make an effort to learn about the grieving process, what bereaved parents may be experiencing and how best to support them. Healing a Parent’s Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas After Your Child Dies by Dr. Alan Wolfelt, Ph. D is an excellent book and the one on which many of the tips in this post are based. Your local library and organizations like Pilgrims Hospice Society that offer grief support services are also good sources of information.
Respect Their Way of Grieving
Grief is an individual journey. Some parents may want to talk about their child, while others may find it too painful. Be sensitive to their needs, respect their wishes and follow their lead. And remember, grief doesn’t need to be fixed. It needs love and kindness and patience and, most of all, time.
Finding a path through grief
Mourning the loss of a child is an indescribable journey of pain and sorrow. Bereaved Parents Awareness Month reminds us of the importance of supporting those who are grieving this profound loss. By acknowledging their pain, offering practical help, and providing compassionate listening, we can help bereaved parents find a path through their grief. Organizations like Pilgrims Hospice Society play a crucial role in providing the support and resources needed to navigate this difficult time. Remember, the journey of grief is unique to each individual, and with understanding and support, bereaved parents may find permission to find joy again.